someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
