Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
