Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
