I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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