At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
