Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
