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• (207): View more from Maine

  I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer

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  19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time

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• (631): View more from New York

  It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life

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• (909): View more from California

  I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?

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