last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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