I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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