the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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