$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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