Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
