you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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