Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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