She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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