For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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