i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
