My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
