You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
