why im i the only drunk person in the library?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
