There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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