I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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