I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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