You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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