Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
