I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
