Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
