A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
