It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
me + whiskey = a bad person
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
