the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
