I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
