Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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