Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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