I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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