Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
