There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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