never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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