Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they need to just BURY HIM!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
