im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So many bounce houses so little time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
