I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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