hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
