I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
