so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
