can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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