I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
