So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
