Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
