Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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