You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
