Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
