trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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