ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
