nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
