I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
