there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
