The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
