Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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