I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
