I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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