I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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