They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
