Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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