We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
