Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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