I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
