Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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