i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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